Superman goes to Five Guys; Declares it Not As Good as In-N-Out
By Jimmy Olsen
Barack Obama and Joe Biden aren't the only DC politicians to enjoy a
good burger. In fact, Superman loves burgers even more than Barack
Obama. It's true.
Earlier today, Superman flew over to the Five Guys in Dupont Circle
for a bacon cheeseburger and cajun fries. No motorcades and street
closures were needed, and Superman was back to work, fighting for
justice for the people of DC, in a couple of minutes. His reaction to
Five Guys:
“I’m impressed by the quality of Five Guys establishments, and I enjoy
the free peanuts the restaurant provides. But I still contend that In-
N-Out burgers on the West Coast provide a superior burger. The
freshness of ingredients remind me of those I’d find in Smallville;
you just can’t find lettuce that crisp anywhere else.”
“As Mayor, I’d work with the owners of In-N-Out, the Snyder family, to
bring their delicious burgers to DC. Washingtonians deserve the best
fast food burger America makes – and that burger is a double double.”
Superman launches campaign for DC Mayor
By Lois Lane, Superfan
Let’s face it – DC needs help. The shootings, the metro accidents, the
rampant rodents running around… it’s going to take a
man of steel to clean up this swamp.
That’s why the Man of Steel himself, Superman, declared his candidacy
for Mayor earlier today from the steps of Capitol Hill.
“I’m here to fight for truth, justice and the American way – and that
starts first by cleaning up our nation’s capital,” Superman said.
“We’re all supermen and women,” Superman said. “From the homeless
gentleman in McPherson Square to the intoxicated intern in Georgetown,
we can all work together to make our city a superior place to live. I
hope to inspire the next generation of Washingtonians to take
ownership of their city, and my campaign.”
Superman can’t clean up Washington without your help. Click here to
join the campaign, and become a superman or superwoman for our city.
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